


Running Away

by coffeeandfeathers



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Misuse of the Force, Multi, OT3, Poe gets put on medical leave and Finn and Rey take care of him, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sleeplessness, Trauma Recovery, Vomiting tw, general shittiness, if rey hadn't left, poe can't sleep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-08
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-19 05:36:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5955625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeeandfeathers/pseuds/coffeeandfeathers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Poe can't sleep and spends two months after his encounter with Kylo Ren trying to exercise himself to exhaustion. It catches up with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Exactly two months after Ren opened up his brain, Poe Dameron was running. He spent most of his time running now, sprinting circuits around the track on base until his knees wobbled and he couldn’t seem to catch his breath. Then he’d lift or shadowbox or spar or do push ups while his whole body screamed for rest and then he’d run again. He ran the soreness out of his legs, ran until he couldn’t think of anything but how much his chest hurt, ran so that his brain would turn off for one goddamn second and let him sleep.

Poe Dameron didn’t sleep. He cut out caffeine, then sugar, then pared his diet down to the calories necessary to keep him running and nothing else and he still couldn’t sleep. He crammed down as much as he could hold every time he sat down in the mess hall, trying to ground himself with vegetables and bread and protein, but his body only pushed the food around. He needed those calories to keep moving, to spar so he could crash into his bunk at night and pray that he’d exhausted himself enough to rest dreamlessly.

But even if Ren wasn’t there physically, he’d set up shop in Poe’s mind. Two months of torture dreams and near constant stomachaches and Poe wanted to curl up under his cot and die. Both Rey and Finn had noticed; they looked at him like he was two steps away from shattering. Poe wished they wouldn’t.

“Are you okay?” Rey asked him suddenly one evening while they were working on Black 1. “You’ve been spending a lot of time in the... what’s it called? You’ve been running a lot.”

“Mhm,” said Poe, refusing to look up from the X-wing’s engine.

“You look tired.”

“I’m fine.”

“Your body needs to rest.” Poe looked up to see Rey staring at him with those eyes of hers. They were like twin galaxies, black with pinpoints of light. Sometimes it felt like she could stare right through him.

“I’m resting plenty.”

“Your hands are shaking.”

Poe tightened his grip around the wrench in his hand and said nothing.

“You’re pale all the time. I know you haven’t been sleeping…”

“Drop it.”

Rey withdrew, brows knit. “What?”

“I said drop it. Just drop it. Please,” he added when he saw her face. She looked up at him with those eyes and then returned to the X-wing, her lips set in a straight line. Poe immediately regretted it.

“Rey…”

“It’s dropped,” she said, and that was the end of that.

Finn was not so easily pushed aside. He started accompanying Poe on his daily exercise binges, a shadow at Poe’s side as if he was afraid Poe might suddenly snap. He sat across from Poe in the mess hall and watched him shovel down a thousand calories of bland protein rations and then he followed him back to the gym and watched him do the whole circuit all over again.

_ At least he hasn’t said anything _ , Poe thought as he sprinted around the track, Finn hot on his heels.  _ I can handle this. I can handle this. _


	2. Chapter 2

He handled it until two months and six days after his encounter with Kylo Ren. Poe awoke from a night of tossing and turning to his stomach churning uncomfortably under his shirt. He’d grown used to being stuffed full near constantly, but this morning it felt like the food he’d forced down the evening before was still sitting in his gut like a rock. He sat up in bed, wincing as everything in him moved, and put his head between his knees.

_ It’s just a stomachache. You’re fine. You can handle this. Get up and run. _

As usual, Finn found him in the mess hall and settled in the seat opposite him.

“Morning,” Finn said, and Poe just grunted.

“You’re green.”

“I’m what?” Poe looked up from his plate of eggs (which were looking more and more like brains by the second) and Finn swam before his eyes for a second before he could focus.

“Your face. You look sick.”

“I’m fine.” Poe crammed a forkful of eggs into his mouth as if to prove something and his insides clenched. “I don’t know why everyone keeps saying that.”

“Probably because you always look like you’re about to throw up?”

Poe took another bite, then another, willing himself to swallow. “If I was about to throw up, do you think I’d be eating?”

Finn shrugged. “Guess not. Let me know if you’re not feeling well, though, okay?”

Poe wanted to shoot something back, but Finn’s face was too soft. He just nodded and looked down at his plate.  _ You need this to run. Get it down and then go. _

Running was not a good idea. Barely one lap in, the taste of eggs started creeping back up his throat and Poe swallowed it, forcing himself to keep going.  _ You’re fine. Run. You can handle this. _ His diaphragm constricted, warning him, and Poe swallowed a mouthful of saliva before his stomach curdled.  _ No no no no no. _

Luckily, he was approaching the garbage chute on the side of the track. People usually used it to dispose of empty water bottles, but he sprinted for it anyway, frantically pressing the side button to open it before the contents of his stomach came rushing up in a slurry of bile.

“Poe? Poe, are you okay?” Finn’s voice sounded soft and far away under the roaring of blood through Poe’s ears. Everything in him was being squeezed up through his esophagus, sour and shameful and  _ no no i need those calories no please please now i have to start all over again please. _

“Poe! Hey, hey, I’ve got you.” A pair of arms wrapped around his waist, holding him up when his legs buckled. Someone’s hand found his hair, pulling it away from his face, while a voice said you’re okay you’re okay I’ve got you next to his ear. Finally, after a thousand years, Poe found himself empty, spitting down the garbage chute with a pounding pain behind his right temple. He wanted to cry. Was he crying already?

“Hey, Poe. Is that it? You got anything left?”

Poe’s stomach responded with a heave, his diaphragm sore from vomiting, but nothing came up. God, he hurt. Everything hurt.

“Okay, okay. C’mon, you’re okay. Let go of the garbage chute.”

Poe didn’t want to let go of the garbage chute. He had become one with the garbage chute. A sigh, then a brown hand appeared over his, plucking his fingers off the wall one by one until he lost the support and nearly slid to the ground.

“Okay! Okay, the garbage chute was holding you up. Makes sense. C’mon, help me out here.”

Poe tried to stand up, but his legs buckled under him and he slipped through Finn’s arms and onto the track. Finn knelt next to him, a dark shape in the grey and blue mess of Poe’s vision, and then arms wormed underneath him and he was being carried.

“You alright, buddy?”

Poe just groaned, hoping that would convey his current state in adequate detail.

“I’m taking you to the med bay.”

“Noooo…”

“Yes. You’re sick. You can’t stand up. You can either let me carry you there or I’ll drag you by the ankle. Those are the options.”

Poe wanted to ask for a third option, but the blue and grey blur above him was starting to fuzz black around the edges and his eyelids were so heavy and before he could say anything else, he went limp in Finn’s arm.


	3. Chapter 3

Even unconscious, Poe couldn’t rest. He kept slipping in and out of the conversation, coming to for a few seconds at a bright light or a pinch in his arm before being lulled back into darkness. Eventually, patches of him started to stay awake for longer. His stomach  _ hurt _ , sitting in his torso like a bloated leather bag. Every so often, he caught a snippet of conversation.

“...dehydration...muscle fatigue... I can’t believe he made it this long...call the General…”

The last few words roused him, and with a titanic effort, he managed to open his eyes. Finn’s face swam into view, and someone with small, rough hands was petting his hair.

“He’s waking up,” the person behind him said, and he tried to tilt his head back to look at her.

“Rey?”

“It’s me.” She ran her fingers carefully over his forehead and cheeks. “You’ve been asleep for a while.”

The inside of his mouth was sour. “Water?”

Someone lifted the back of his head and placed a glass to his lips. “Sips. I don’t need you vomiting all over my medbay.”

_ Doctor Kalonia.  _ He tried to say her name, but it seemed like too much work.

“Do you remember arriving here, Mr. Dameron?”

Poe swallowed his mouthful of water. “No,” he managed.

“Do you remember why you came here?”

He groaned and closed his eyes. “I puked down the garbage chute.”

“And then you lost consciousness. What have you been eating?”

“Enough.”

“Enough of what?”

“Protein. Vitamins.”

“When you arrived, your blood glucose level was at 59 milligrams per deciliter. Do you know what that means?”

“No.”

“It means that it’s a miracle you could stand up. You’re also dehydrated. We’re rehydrating you intravenously and using a glucose pump to stabilize your blood sugar.”

“I’m fine.” Kalonia’s face blurred over his when she moved closer.

“Dameron, you’re not even in the same star system as fine. You’re lucky Finn brought you here or you could have had serious brain damage.”

“It’s not that bad.” Poe tried to roll onto his side to look at Finn, but he was just out of sight.

“Are you a doctor, Dameron? No. Do I climb into your X-wing and tell you how to do your job? No. So don’t tell me how to do mine. You need to get some more sugar into your diet. Finn and Rey tell me that you’ve been exercising in excess.”

“Thanks, guys.”

“Cut the sarcasm. They’re worried about you and they have every right to be. You’ve worn your body down to a frazzle. You need to rest.”

“I don’t have time to rest.”

“Then we’ll make time. I’ve sent for the General.”

Poe winced, wrapped his free arm around himself. “You didn’t.”

“I did.”

“She shouldn’t be bothered with this.”

“I think I can decide what to be bothered with, Commander.”

Poe managed to push himself up and found himself staring at General Organa, who stood at the threshold. He tried to sit up, but Finn’s hand gently pushed him back onto the table.

“General…” He tilted his head back, mortified. “General, I…”

“Be quiet, Dameron.”

Poe stared at the ceiling. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Doctor Kalonia, what brings Commander Dameron here today?”

As Kalonia explained, Poe glanced over at Finn, who looked a little embarrassed. How had Finn possibly carried him the whole way here alone? Had Rey helped? Who’d seen them? Poe closed his eyes, humiliated.  _ You can’t let them see how weak you are. You’re supposed to be strong. Handle this. _

Rey went back to running her small hands through his hair, and Poe leaned into her unconsciously. She’d been so uncomfortable being touched at first, shying away when either of them got too close, but she liked having control over who she was able to touch. Finn was starving for human contact and Poe was more than willing to make her feel more comfortable, so they’d let her make contact with them on her own terms. At first, she was very shy, but then she found out that both of them loved having their hair played with and that became her way of familiarizing herself with them. The incredible relaxation that came with it wasn’t exactly a problem either.

“I see,” Leia said when Kalonia finished, and Poe could feel her eyes on him. “Clearly Commander Dameron is in need of some down time.”

“No, no, no.” Poe tried to push himself up so he could look at her, but his arms wobbled and he lay back again. “I’m fine. I just overdid it a little bit. I’ll slow down. I’ll be more careful.”

“Be quiet.” Leia was next to him now, removing her glove. “Lie still.” Rey moved away as Leia placed her hand on Poe’s forehead. A familiar sensation spread through his skull, but it was a far cry from the burning shriek that tore through him when Kylo Ren forced his way into his mind. This feeling was warm, unobtrusive. Leia wasn’t searching for information. She was looking for her son.

“Ren used the Force on you. He tore the information out of your mind.”

“I couldn’t fight him off.” The words fell out of his mouth before he could stop them. “I tried I tried please forgive me he took it.” Something warm slid down the sides of his face.  _ Stop crying. _

“Poe.” Leia’s hands cupped his face, her thumbs wiping the tears from his cheeks.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He hadn’t cried in two months and now twice in the same day? “I failed. I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for. Men stronger than you have given up more important information under less. You did everything you could.”

Finn was holding his hand and rubbing the inside of his wrist and forearm in light, nervous strokes. He wanted to be touched when he was upset, so he was trying to do the same with the little bit of Poe that didn’t hurt. Rey put her hand against the top of his head as if to say  _ I’m here I’m here. _

“I’m sorry, General.” Poe’s eyes were sore and sticky and it was tempting to close them, but Leia’s face swam above his and he forced them open.

“You completed your mission. What Ren did to you isn’t your fault.” Her fingers were light against his face. “I’m putting you on medical leave. Just for a few days,” she added when he opened his mouth to protest. “You need to rest and get your strength back. This isn’t a punishment. It’s not safe for you to fly in this condition.”

Poe looked up at her, his eyes still thick with tears.

“Do you understand?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Good. You two keep an eye on him.” This was directed at Finn and Rey, the words floating somewhere above his head. “Keep him out of trouble. Make sure he takes care of himself.”

“Yes ma’am,” Finn said. Rey must have nodded, because Leia nodded back and turned to Kalonia.

“I leave this to your jurisdiction. Whatever you think is best,” she said. Kalonia nodded and once the General exited the med bay, she turned back to Poe.

“As soon as your levels have returned to normal, I’m going to send you back to your bunk. I want you to stay there for the rest of the day and get some sleep. Is that clear?”

Poe wanted to protest, but his head was pounding from crying and lack of sleep and his eyes hurt and his stomach hurt and he didn’t have anything left in him that wanted to fight.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Good boy. I’ll give you something to help you rest. In the meantime…” She went to the IV stand just behind Poe’s head, and a cold liquid rushed into his arm.

“Right now?” He started to say, but his eyelids were getting harder and harder to hold open. “Don’t I have to…” He was out before he could finish the sentence.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe gets the love and care he desperately needs. Fruit is involved.

This time, Poe awoke in the comfort of his own bed. Someone had placed a cold towel on the back of his neck and as his senses started to come back, he felt the presence of two bodies: one sitting at the foot of the bed, one in a chair next to it.

“Hmmm…” he started, trying to open his eyes, and both figures jumped.

“He’s waking up. Hey, Poe.” A large, warm hand rested between his shoulder blades, rubbing up and down in slow strokes.

“Hi.” Poe yawned, his tongue dry and sticky in his mouth. “‘M thirsty.”

“Doctor Kalonia said you would be. You want water or juice? She said to keep your blood sugar stable so we got a bunch of good stuff for you.” This was Rey from her place at the foot of the bed.

“Mm… thanks. Water.” Poe propped himself up on the pillows that had been stacked around him while he slept and accepted the bottle. “How long was I out?”

“About four hours,” said Rey, and Poe’s stomach flipped.

“You let me sleep for four hours? How did I get here?”

“Gurney. They told us to let you rest and then feed you when you woke up.”

The ache in his abdomen flared at the thought of eating. “I’m not hungry.”

“Kalonia said to feed you. She doesn’t want you going into shock. We brought you some stuff from the mess hall.” Finn reached into a bag on the floor and pulled out a hunk of brown bread. “Just take little bites. We’ve got soup, too, and… I don’t know what this is. Rey?”

“I don’t know what that is either. Or the other thing they gave us. I think it’s sweets?”

Poe swallowed a mouthful of bread and groaned. “Okay, I really can’t do sweets right now. My stomach’s already on the blink.”

“But… Kalonia said you needed something to keep you going. Maybe you know what it is, though?” Finn lifted a see-through container and Poe felt his eyes widen.

“They gave you dried fruit? Where did they even get that? Oh God, are those apricots?”

“Do you want some? Because if you’re not feeling well…”

“No, no, I want it. You guys have never seen something like this?” Poe couldn’t get the lid off the container fast enough. “It’s good.”

“Nothing like that grew on Jakku,” said Rey, and Finn just shrugged.

“Most of our stuff came in calorie packs or powder. I haven’t… okay, slow down.” Poe was cramming as many pieces of fruit as he could into his mouth at once. “Poe, slow down. If you get sick again, Kalonia is going to kill us.”

Poe leaned back against his pillows again, chewing with his eyes closed. “I haven’t had real fruit in forever.”

“What does it taste like?” Rey asked and Poe raised his eyebrows.

“Help yourself. I can’t believe neither of you knew what this was.”

Rey picked through the container before selecting a piece of dried apple. She placed it delicately on her tongue, her eyes widening as she chewed. “This is… what  _ is  _ this?”

“It’s an apple.”

“And this is?” Finn raised a dried apricot.

“Apricot.”

“There are different ones?”

Poe looked from Rey to Finn in mild horror. “Yes. Lots of different ones. Okay, look. We can share this and you can ask me any questions you want. I probably shouldn’t eat too much more anyway.”

“But we got it for you…” Finn started, but Poe shook his head.

“No. We’ll share. Can I have the soup? I’m starting to feel a little better.”

“Of course.” Finn placed the warm container and a plastic spoon in Poe’s lap. “Kalonia said to go slow and stop if you start feeling sick. She gave us some pills for you if you do, but she says that it’s better if you take it easy.”

“I can manage that.”

“Can you?” Rey asked, looking at each piece of fruit closely before putting it in her mouth.

“I’ll try.” Poe sank back into his pillows, cracked open the container of soup. “This smells good.”

“She said this would be easiest on your stomach,” Finn said, and Poe hummed around a mouthful.

“Chicken soup. My mom used to make this when I got sick as a kid.”

“Do you feel better?” Rey asked after a moment of silence, still picking through the fruit. 

Poe nodded and sank back into his pillows, the soup warm in his stomach. The combination of eating and the comfort of his bed was making his eyelids droop and he let out a yawn before he could stop himself.

“Are you getting tired again?” Finn asked, and Poe shook his head before yawning again.

“You are. Do you want us to go so you can get some rest?”

Poe shook his head again. “What I really want to do is shower.”

Finn and Rey exchanged a look. “Do you think you’re strong enough?” Rey asked, and Poe snorted.

“Yeah, of course. It’ll take ten minutes and then I’ll get some rest, okay?”

“Ten minutes,” Rey said. “And if you’re not done by then, we can come and check on you?”

Poe tried to roll his eyes, but the motion made his head hurt. “Better make it fifteen.”

The water, while warm, felt like needles on his skin and Poe leaned against the wall of the shower, his head spinning at the heat. He’d planned to just wash his hair and brush the taste of stomach acid and sleep out of his mouth, but now he was having a hard time just standing up.

“C’mon, Dameron.” Poe braced himself against the wall and managed a cursory scrub of his hair and body before turning off the water and sinking to the shower floor, dizzy.

“You’re okay. Brush your teeth and get back to bed.”  _ Kalonia was right. Maybe I did need a little time off. _

His head was pounding again by the time he dressed in a clean undershirt and sweatpants, and the walk back to his bunk consisted mainly of leaning against the wall, trying desperately to get his bearings. By the time he got back, Poe wanted nothing more than to lie back down.

“There you are. We were starting to get worried,” Rey said, looking up from the holographic timer they’d set on BB-8, who’d previously been charging in the corner.

“You set a timer? Did you really think I couldn’t… hang on.” Poe’s vision narrowed and he sat down hard on the floor and put his head between his knees.

“Poe? Are you okay?” A pair of arms wrapped around his body and lifted him up as easily as if he were a doll. “C’mon, let’s get you back in bed.”

“I’m fine,” Poe argued, but he didn’t struggle as Finn set him gently on the bed and pull the covers over him. From somewhere to his right, BB-8 beeped in concern.

“I’m fine, BB-8.” Poe rolled onto his side, suddenly exhausted. “I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine.” Rey ran her hand over the back of his skull, rubbing his neck between her fingers. “You’re sick. Do you want us to leave?”

“No. Could you… do you mind staying?” He felt Rey shift on the bed before lying down next to him.

“Finn, get in here,” she said, and Finn laughed before unlacing his boots and climbing in on the other side of Poe.

“Thanks, guys,” Poe said, burying his face in Finn’s chest while Rey stroked his back.

“Anything for our favorite pilot.”

“Hey!” said Rey, and Poe felt Finn laugh.

“Our second favorite pilot. You guys have enough room?”

“Mm,” Poe mumbled, inches from sleep. “Don’t leave.”

“We won’t,” Rey said before wrapping her arms around his waist. “Just go to sleep.”

Poe slept.


End file.
